The other night I was having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking about recognizing toxic people and how to deal with them. We’ve had this conversation many times before but this time it resonated differently. I don’t know if it was because my mindset was prepared to be more receptive or if its because the message deliverer was extremely handsome, Lol! Either way the message hit different this time around. I saw the sincerity in his eyes and heard the compassion in his voice and I saw how passionate he really was on this subject matter.
My friend always tells me about how I am too nice to everybody and how I treat everyone the same. To me that’s not a bad quality or attribute to have but according to him it is a recipe for heartbreak and headache. Being nice only works when the person you’re being nice too truly deserves it. Everyone is not cut from the same cloth and therefore you should treat people accordingly. He went on to reassure me that cutting off toxic people to protect your own happiness is OK, no matter who they are. It can be your mother, father, uncle and friend of 20 years, It will be ok. If that person brings nothing but negativity maybe it’s time to let them go. Do all that you can to cease contact. It may hurt but sometimes it is worth it to guarantee your own less stressful life.
Now also keep in mind that you may not have to let the person go forever, but give them enough time to realize that you are not for the negativity that they bring in your life. Think of it as a lesson, until the other person recognizes their fault. It may sound extreme but believe me it works! My friends notorious statement that he often says to me is “people only do what you allow them to do“. How true is that? I’ve heard this statement many times before but it took almost my entire life to finally understand it.
I used to think that protecting your heart meant only from the people who blatantly hurt you but what he helped me realize is that toxicity comes in many ways. For example if someone only comes to you with negativity and drama whether it involves you or not, you have the right to cut that person off. Although you may only hear the negativity and it may not pertain to you directly, it can’t still infiltrate your spirt causing you and your mood to be effected for the rest of the day.
Another thing that he said to me specifically helped me realize what needs to be done as well. He said that if you have a goal, you need to turn on tunnel vision and block anything from the sidelines that is not helping you reach that goal, including any and all toxic people. Anyone who is for you and have your best interests at heart will understand and all those who were against you in the first place will have a problem. Set your mind on something and focus solely on it, watch how your circle and your circumstances change.
Family is the hardest to set these rules up for. People often struggle with letting go family. However; it’s family that sometimes brings you the most grief. Growing up, it’s instilled that blood is thicker than water but that is not always the case . “Blood” do the most damage because they are close to you and cutting ties with ”blood” may be exactly what’s needed. There is nothing in the rule book that says family is allowed to treat you like trash and it must be accepted. No! family is not exempt! Toxic is toxic no matter the source.
After it’s all said and done, the cutting of toxic people is a necessity to living a happy drama free life, no matter who they may be. You are getting in your own way when you allow toxicity to reign supreme in your life. Think about it!